Posted by: euzoia | June 19, 2011

I don’t want to judge in the way people have judged me

‘I never wanted to be a mother’: Nancy Dell’Olio reveals in a highly personal testimony, despite one abortion and two miscarriages, she has no regrets… | Mail Online

As a woman, I’m not supposed to feel this way, let alone mention it, but the truth is I have never wanted to be a mother.

People always look at me suspiciously when I admit this. Sometimes they feel sorry for me, often they judge, nearly always they assume I don’t really mean it.

But I do and I’m not afraid to say so, despite what society tells me.

This doesn’t mean I don’t like children. I love them and have a wonderful niece and three ¬adorable godchildren.

But even in my teens, when I first started to feel like a woman, I knew I didn’t want my own child.

It was the Seventies and back then people believed becoming a mother was the most natural thing in the world.

All my friends thought so but I didn’t feel it. I wanted to live life, to work, explore, discover things – not just about the world but about myself.

I was in my late 20s when I fell pregnant.

I was working in Rome as a lawyer and had been with Giancarlo Mazza, the man who would become my husband, for a year.

We had just started to live together and so, in some ways, the circumstances were absolutely right.

I strongly believe that children should be born out of a couple and we were happy.

But I also believe we should be responsible for every action we take, particularly one such as this.

And I knew I didn’t feel ready to have a child. I did not blossom as some women do when they are pregnant.

I felt sick. I couldn’t eat and couldn’t sleep without the help of pills.
Past love: Past love: Nancy with ex-husband Giancarlo Mazza -she conceived twice while they were married but lost both babies

I am against single parents. Of course things happen in life, you cannot guarantee a child will always have a mother and father, but I firmly believe that this should be the starting point.

Instead, my friends stopped looking for a lover or a man to spend the rest of their lives with and started looking for ‘fathers’. They just wanted someone, anyone, to give them a child.

I don’t want to judge in the way people have judged me. It’s not a black-and-white issue, I accept that, but I confess I cannot understand these women.

A child is a gift, not a right. I appreciate I have never felt that overwhelming desire, desperation even, but I don’t believe you need motherhood to make yourself feel complete.

I do not need to define myself that way. Would being a mother add something to my life? Yes, probably, but that doesn’t mean my life’s not full. Motherhood is one experience but it is not the only one.

I love my friends and family and the way I love a man is very maternal, very protective.

I do not feel less ¬feminine or less of a woman just because I don’t have children. I vaguely wondered if the biological clock might start ticking one day, but I can honestly say it never really did.


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